Love In Marriage
St. Paul: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her," adding at once: For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the Church." Catechism # 1616.
The marriage vow is a creative vow in the fullest sense of that term. It is a vow that joins this man and this woman in a relationship stronger than any other and, indeed creates an indissoluble (unbreakable) union. The union, which is marriage, is stronger even than the ties that bind parent to child.
A man must be free to marry or not to marry, but once his choice is made, once his pledge of fidelity is given, there is no return. He and his wife are now "one flesh". Their union is - and has been since the beginning from the creation of mankind - a union willed by God and cannot be broken by any man. No longer do they belong to themselves, for they have vowed themselves to each other. They have given themselves away,
"he, not she, claims the right over her body, as she, not he, claims the right over his: (Cor. 7:4). And like that other Christian paradox - that only he who "loses his life" shall save it - this giving, too, reaps a rich return, for in giving themselves away, each gains the other. When this giving is done by the two that are married "in the Lord", (1 Cor. 7:39) then it is Christ's own love that each gives and receives.
But that union of man and wife does not dissolve their personal identities. Their marriage vow is not a magic formula what wipes away all that marks them as unique persons. The "we" must be created out of the love of each for the other, but they must both work to create this "we".
They must labor to bring into being this new personality, a personality that expresses their oneness, a personality that is larger and richer than that which either could know alone.
For the woman helps to create this by her submissiveness, by her love, by her need for this person, her dependence upon him, to bring her husband to maturity. And the husband - by his faithfulness, by his tender care and strong leadership - is bringing alive in his wife the fullness of her womanhood. This "we" cannot, and will not bear fruit if the "we" becomes an "I".
What too often happens that each party comes to the marriage radiant with the belief that his other person is going to heal all of his or her physical and mental aches and pains and is quite surprised to discover, not too much later, that the other has aches and pains of his or her own. this leads to disillusionment, to bitterness, the feeling that one has been unfairly "trapped" by sexual desire or the wiles of the other party, often followed by recriminations, arguments or embittered silence and sometimes carrying a life-long grudge.
How different is other marriage which is founded upon a true love for each other, a constant desire to protect and feed and keep healthy the happiness of the other. Such a marriage cannot become the vicious snake of disillusion eating its own bitter tail of dissatisfaction. A marriage rooted in mutual love becomes a creation of marvelous beauty, with each seeking new ways of expressing the love and the happiness he or she knows. This kind of love does not depend on money or "things." It depends on the relationship that two people experience who truly love each other.
Source: C.L.Barbeau, The head of the family.